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Invite the Inner Critic to Leave
Inner Critic, Censor, The Committee, Evil Twin, Monster, Monkey Mind are just a few of the delightful names we have for the inner chatter that shows up just as we are about to embark on a new project or challenge. This self-talk tends to appear in our consciousness exactly when we don't need to hear from it.
It's that charming voice that says to you: "Wow, you really blew that interview." "Don't apply for that job, you don't have the skills for it". "You are too old to try that." "Don't ask him or her on a date, you're not his or her type." "Everyone's looking at you now, what could you have been thinking to say that in the meeting?" "It's too hard to start and succeed at a new business, stay at this job, its secure and you know what to expect." And so on and so on...
Although the Inner Critic is an unwelcome guest at times, this voice does also serve a purpose in our lives, because at times it can protect us. "Hmm, maybe I need to wait for the green light before I cross this street, theres a lot of traffic to try to dodge today." The Inner Critic can also be the voice of survival.
This judging voice can also be useful during the creative process. Allowing this voice to come through only after an idea has had the opportunity to germinate and evolve can help you evaluate if an idea has merit. Inviting this inner chatter in during the initial stages of creativity will guarantee that the creative process shuts down. There is a place for The Judge, but only after The Explorer and Artist within you have had the chance to express themselves.
But what about the times when the Inner Critic shows up uninvited? What about the those times it undermines your ability to take meaningful action in your life?
Here are a few strategies to help you discern if your inner voice is trying to contribute to your well being or is it trying to protect you from non-existent dangers?
- Recognize that fear is a normal and appropriate response when faced with challenging situations. Acknowledge yourself for doing something new and unprecedented. When moving out of your current comfort zone it does tend to be awkward. Why do you think the phrase "growing pains" is associated with growth? You can and will succeed if you recognize that fear only an a part of the growth process. It is not the end result of the process.
- Take a moment to remember specific times and areas in your life where you have succeeded. Make an accomplishment list. It is a great reminder that have you succeeded with challenges in the past and have the ability to succeed in this current situation as well.
- Make the distinction between what you are feeling and the circumstances of the situation you find yourself in. For example, one of my favorite sayings is: no means no, and nothing else. If you are under an Inner Critic attack, the word "no" could mean you aren't talented or that you lack what it takes to succeed. The only fact in a situation where someone has said "no" to you is that someone has said "no". Nothing else. Allow yourself to experience your feelings, but don't confuse them with the facts of a situation.
- Challenge the negative self-talk. Ask yourself: Does this thought contribute to my stress? Where did I learn this thought? Is this a logical thought? Is this thought true? Once you become aware of a negative thought pattern, you can confront the thought, challenge the logic and replace the thoughts with a kinder and a more gentle way of thinking that will move you forward on your personal path.
- Write a worse case scenario. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen if you were to take on this new challenge? Give yourself 20 minutes or half an hour and play the negative tape ALL the way through. Have fun with the worry. Get it all out into the open. Once you reach the end of the time that you've allocated for yourself -- that's it, no more. What usually happens when we "play the tape through" is that we notice that things aren't as terrible as our minds have imagined them to be.
- Take the negative self-talk of your worst case scenario and create new possibilities for yourself. Try this phrase: "If the worst does happen, I will." For example: "If I make a mistake on this project, I will." Try to come up with three ways of handling the challenge and then take specific steps to create your desired outcome.
- Accept that making mistakes is simply part of life. People make mistakes. Separate the reality that you made a mistake from who you are as a person. Don't confuse making a mistake with feeling that you are the mistake. You aren't the mistake. You made a mistake. And, mistakes happens.
- One way to guarantee that you won't move forward in your life is by not being willing to let yourself make mistakes. There is the possiblity you might fail or make a mistake when you try something new. When Thomas Edison was working on the lightbulb he had one failure after another during the process. He said to critics who commented about all the times it appeared he had failed with his invention: "I've simply eliminated twenty-seven ways that don't work." Breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs.
- Thank the Inner Critic for sharing its opinion about the challenge or situation and take action anyway.
These are only a few of the ways you can handle the inner chatter that stops you. Your Inner Critic may be trying to protect you, but more often than not, it gives you reasons for not taking meaningful action in your life.
And, if all else fails, someone recently gave me a marvelous suggestion when my Inner Critic was busy yelling in my ear...just give it a sock in the eye.
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